Thursday, July 29, 2010

A true fish story

Bosco and Riley get irritated when they hear "experts" who proclaim that animals do not have emotions. They are pleased that Jane Goodall has shown evidence to refute that notion when it comes to chimps. Bosco and Riley have evidence to prove that not only do chimps have emotions, but so do dogs and fish.

A few years ago, Bosco and Riley were witnesses to an amazing interaction between fish in the pond where they live. Unbeknownst to them, one day one of the local herons had paid a dinner visit to the pond. By the time Bosco and Riley managed to slip a slide their way out of the house and through the doggie door, the heron had thrown the largest koi out of the pond onto the grass. She looked dead when she was found a while later. She was thrown back in the water with slim hope of revival. She sank to the bottom. Her best fish friend saw her lying there on her side not moving. Her friend swam under her, lifted her off the bottom and worked to keep her off of her side. He stayed by her side constantly making sure she did not lie sideways or sink. After a while the fish began to weakly move her fins. Her friend continued to stay with her. When food was thrown in the pond her friend lifted her to the surface where the food floated. Everyday her friend stayed by her side. Gradually she regained strength and no longer sank or turned sideways. This may be a fish story but it's true. Bosco and Riley were astounded. They never thought that fish could show that level of attachment and intelligence.

Riley began to wonder if Bosco would help her the same way the fish had helped his friend. Bosco looked at her with annoyance. First of all, he said, you hate going in the water. Second I get wet only when they force me to take a bath. So your question is ridiculous.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

IFs ands and butts

It had been along time since Bosco and Riley had taken a vacation. They were very excited because they love road trips. One of their favorite people was taking them to Tucson for the week.

Being in Tucson was very exciting. They got to meet new people who had heard all about them. They got to smell new smells of the other inhabitants of the area. Their host made sure that they were taken on plenty of walks and got to sleep wherever they wanted in her house. They were having such a good vacation when out of the blue Bosco told Riley that they would probably have to end their vacation the next day. He told her she would probably get tired of hanging around a place that wasn't home. Riley tilted her head and looked at Bosco perplexed. Then she pulled her ears back and looked at him suspiciously. What is your problem he wanted to know, as if she were to become the cause of the ensuing discord. I think I understand why you think I will tire of this vacation. YOU want to go home and I know why. You miss going on our weekly outing to the dog park where you love to smell the butt of that Great Dane Jennifer. You do it every Thursday. Look at it this way. If we stay you'll only miss a week. One sniffless week won't kill you, she said. But,but, but Bosco stammered. What said Riley now definitely annoyed. Jennifer is going away next week for three weeks. I won't get to sniff her butt for three weeks!

So much for Riley's vacation.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A handsome boy

Bosco has a few female admirers. Whenever they talk about him or see him they always say, "He's such a handsome boy." This is said with a significantty higher pitch than their normal speaking pitch. Then one of them adds, also in a high pitch, "I love him," but it is said as, "I looove heem."

Thursday, July 15, 2010

First comes baby then comes?

Riley's comment upon hearing the news of Bristol Palin's engagement to Levi Johnston was "How sweet." Bosco rolled his eyes. I said to Riley that Bristol's and Levi's relationship has been an ongoing news saga since Bristol's mom, Sarah, became an American household name. Also they were supposed to be married last year. They split up after Sarah was not elected vice president and since then they have been slinging around mud about each other and their families. But it's so sweet that now they're getting married, Riley insisted. Bosco looked up and with a certain amount of irritation and said, What's sweet is that Chelsey Clinton is getting married at the end of this month. The right comment for Bristol and Levi is, ITS ABOUT TIME. Riley looked confused. She wanted to know why he feels one way about Chelsey and differently about Bristol. Don't both their names start with C? Very funny, he answered. It has nothing to do with letters of the alphabet; it has everything to do with babies. They made a baby! What's the big deal Riley wanted to know. We dogs do it that way all the time.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I was telling Bosco and Riley about my trip to Switzerland and describing its natural beauty when out of the blue, Bosco said, "What's with the Swiss anyhow?" Riley and I looked at him perplexed. What do you mean, I asked. Well, he said, they've decided not to extradite Roman Polansky to the US for raping a young girl when he lived in Hollywood. They're also being called out for helping tax cheats cheat. They're crying foul because some governments obtained information on their tax cheating citizens by paying someone who filched the information from a Swiss bank. The Swiss government says that the foreign governments are using information that was obtained illegally, thus what the foreign governments are doing is illegal as well. All this moralizing coming from a country that helps wealthy people hide their money from governments ( also known as cheating) so that they don't have to pay the taxes they owe.

And, continued Bosco, for many years the Swiss have hidden behind a veil of so called neutrality. What that seems to mean is that the Swiss can claim to share the same moral values of other western countries, while simultaneously lying and cheating which in their language the word is neutrality. Take for instance their so called "neutrality" during WWII. Being neutral to them meant that they could send Jews back into German occupied countries to be murdered. Neutrality meant doing what the Germans told them to do. Neutrality meant helping Nazis hide from the Allies after the war. Neutrality meant that the Swiss were handsomely paid for their "neutrality" with gold stolen by the Germans from the Jews who were murdered.

Such a beautiful country. Too bad that it's inhabited by the Swiss.

Wait a minute, piped up Riley. What about the St. Bernards? They're very nice, she said.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Where the barbarians still rule

Riley looked at Bosco and told him that there was no way she will cheat on him. Bosco asked her why out the blue she decided to make that announcement. She said that she is afraid of being stoned to death like that woman in Iran who was accused of adultery. Bosco told her she was being ridiculous. She has nothing to worry about. She lives in America where even dogs are treated better than are women in Iran.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Dog claims that the human species suffers from attention deficit disorder

This morning Bosco, using his voice of canine authority, informed me that humans, unlike other species in the animal kingdom, suffer from ADD. I was taken aback by his statement. I asked what made him say that. He began by asking me if I had ever watched a dog who loves retrieving balls. If someone throws them a ball they focus on the ball, he said. They will continue to retrieve it until it is no longer thrown. Hunting dogs will hunt for the fox until they find it. As you well know, he added, I will dig until I've found the gopher in the hole. If I lose the scent I will quickly look for the hole that has the scent. As far as I'm concerned, I could do this all day. When I'm digging, nothing else matters enough to distract me. You are the one who loses patience and pulls me away telling me it's time to go home. I admitted that there was truth to what he said. You humans, on the other hand, are easily distracted. As a result, you lose sight of what is important. Take for example the latest brouhaha about illegal immigration. Suddenly, illegal immigrants are responsible for draining the economy and crime. Listen to everyone talk about how illegal immigrants get free health care and education at the expense of those who are here legally. To hear them talk you would think that it would pay for all Americans to renounce their citizenship. Then there's crime. Illegal immigrants are responsible for it too. The safety of Americans is at risk because of all the housekeepers and gardeners coming across the border illegally. What does this have to do with human ADD? I asked. If my memory serves me right, he said, it wasn't too long ago that this country began it's rapid descent into recession. Everyone was talking about greedy bankers, investors, and Wall Street honchos who, in large part were responsible for the present depression. Paying for the health care and education of a few illegal is small change compared to what the richest of the rich have done to this country and the well-being of it's citizens. When was the last time you heard anyone talk about these big time crimes or the $700 billion dollars Americans are paying to try to keep this country afloat? Instead, the big news is that a five year old child, whose parents are here illegally, is going to kindergarten. That my dear, he said, is why I say humans have

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Cleaning Litter

The dogs were out for a walk the other day when they saw an elderly man and woman carrying plastic bags with trash. They watched the couple with a certain curiosity. The man and woman were taking a walk and at the same time cleaning trash from the neighborhood. They had never seen people picking up rubbish unless it was their dog's. Then this morning I read them an article about citizens in Detroit who had taken it upon themselves to mow lawns of vacant properties, chop down unsightly weeds in empty lots and clean alleyways of trash.

Bosco and Riley asked me why I don't pick up trash when I walk them. I confessed to a certain amount of embarrassment at picking up other people's trash. Besides we pay the city to hire people to pick up the trash that's on the ground. Then I got to thinking. Wouldn't it be nice if more people depended on themselves to do the right thing? Bosco and Riley looked away from me sheepishly. I heard Bosco mumble something to Riley about hoping that I don't get some ideas about dogs doing some kind of cleaning up. They both got up and, as unobtrusively as possible, slinked out of the room.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Riley's paper preoccupation

Riley asked if Arizona Senate Bill 1070 also applies to dogs. She wondered if she needs papers. Bosco told her that she's confused. The dogs who need papers are pure breeds to prove that they're pure breeds. She wanted to know what a pure breed is. Bosco explained that it's a dog that has papers issued by the American Kennel Club. Riley said she wanted those papers. Bosco told her that there was no way the kennel club would give her papers. Riley demanded to know why. Bosco explained that her mom and dad would have to have had those papers, meaning that there was no way she stands a chance of becoming a dog registered by the AKC. Riley thought a minute and then wanted to know what was so special about those dogs with papers. Bosco explained that there was nothing special about those dogs per se.They're dogs like any other dog. Humans just happen to make a lot of money when their papered dogs have sex so that they can make more of the same dogs. That way everyone knows their status. What status, Riley wanted to know. The status that the having these papers confers, Bosco said. Riley was adamant that she wanted those papers. Bosco told her that she will just have to do what other dogs without papers do. She'll have to get a lawyer and pay him a lot of money to try to convince the AKC authorities to give her papers. What's the big deal anyhow, Bosco said. Nobody will know that she doesn't have papers unless she tells them. But on the other hand, he said, you don't look like a pure breed. Not to worry though, he added. Sheriff Arpaio likes dogs (except maybe not Chihuahuas) so he won't be asking to see your papers anytime soon.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Riley likes soccer players

Riley would like everyone to know that she is crazy about Bosco. Nevertheless, she thinks the World Cup soccer players are hot. She asked Bosco if they have to enter a beauty contest before they can be members of a soccer team. Bosco told her that they have to enter the super sensuous soccer contest for sexy soccer players. Riley looked at Bosco with love in her eyes. She thinks he's so handsome.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Doing whatever it takes

What is it with you Jews, Bosco asked me. What do you mean, I asked. He explained: Take for example the demonstrations in Israel for the release of Gilad Shalit. Hamas kidnapped him and has kept him hidden for four years now. Who do the Jews pressure? Hamas? Of course not. The Israeli government? Of course! They DEMAND that the government do whatever is necessary to secure the release of Shalit even though the government has absolutely no control over the matter. What would you suggest they do, I queried. I suggest they take a page from the Palestinian playbook, he answered. What do you mean, I asked. He explained: The flotillas have managed to put Israel in an awkward position, through so-called peaceful means. World opinion has come down hard on Israel because of them. Why don't the thousands of Jews who are pressuring the Israeli government pressure Hamas instead? How can they do that, I asked. The Jews should peacefully march into Gaza and demand the release of Shalit, he answered. They should refuse to leave until he is released. Don't you think they would be risking their lives, I asked. He answered: If Hamas harmed innocent civilians, world opinion would turn against them. The murder of innocent people would be front page news as would Shalit's imprisonment. They would show themselves for what they are----murderers out to kill innocent Jews. Or they could release Shalit. That would of course be a PR coup for Hamas. A win-win result for all involved. Shalit could go home and the rest of the world could continue their love affair of the Palestinians.

The more I thought about Bosco's analysis and idea the more sense it made.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Chuckle Chuckle, Sad, Sad

Hearing noises, I looked at Bosco and Riley. There they sat chuckling. "What?" I asked. Bosco said there was finally something amusing to emerge from the BP oil catastrophe. The lawyers who had counted on making a tidy sum for their firms and themselves by suing BP have been dropped by their clients who will now be paid by BP's $20 billion compensation fund. Sarcastically, Bosco suggested that these lawyers might want to sue BP for interfering in the financial recovery of the U.S. I looked each at Bosco perplexed. The lawyers can claim that they will suffer a financial loss of millions of dollars which they clearly would have spent on luxury items which would have helped boost the economy leading to a quicker financial recovery for the country, he said.

Riley looked at us thoughtfully. Who will sue on behalf of all the sea creatures who are dying and whose homes have been destroyed, she asked.