How to cope with a .....

Bosco and Riley were watching the Today show, as they do each morning while chewing their chewies, when one of the today people said, "Coming up we will hear how to cope with the snow." Bosco looked up from licking his chewy and asked, with attitude, "Uh, shovel it?" Riley took a millisecond break from vigorously chewing and chuckled. Spurred on by Riley's chuckle Bosco continued," How to cope with rain? Get an umbrella? How to cope with heat? Turn on the air? How to cope with the cold? Turn on the heat?" Before getting back to his chewy, he looked at me with a look that said Cope with dumb tv shows by turning off the tv. Duh!

Creature of habit

Left out of the front door means we are either going to the lake or grandma and grandpa's house. Right out of the first door means we are walking around the neighborhood or going to the field, according to Bosco, apparently as you shall see.

The other evening we decided to turn right out the front door, not to go to the lake or grandma and grandpa's house, but rather to go around the block. We wanted to stop off at the mailbox on the way back. Turning left would have meant we would pass the mailbox first thing on our walk. Then we would have to carry the mail for the entire walk. A right turn would have us passing the mailbox at the end of the walk. Another option would have been to go out and get the mail after our return home, an additional twenty steps and a separate trip out the back door. That was too much walking. Instead, we decided to turn right out he door and get the mail on the way back home. That option drove Bosco crazy. He kept trying to cross the street and go in the direction he was accustomed to when turning right out the door. Getting through first block went like this: walk three steps, Bosco pulls left to cross the street; walk three steps, Bosco tries to cross the street; walk three steps, he tries again to cross the street. He kept this up every five feet for the entire first block.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can lead him in your direction when he's on a leash.

Riley head butts Dannah

It was 7:30 Friday morning. Dannah was in a deep sleep after taking a grueling test on Thursday. She did not realize, of course, that she was being carefully watched, closeup, by Riley. Dannah turned. She lifted her head up. As she turned in the direction of Riley, she got a direct head butt to her forehead. Had Dannah not already been unconscious, Riley's head butt would have succeeded in rendering her so. She is such a silly dog.

Stealth in suburbia

It is normal Riley behavior to run at breakneck speed through the house whenever she wants to go outside. So, it aroused Zohar's curiosity this morning when he witnessed her staring out the window, turn and slowly move towards the doggie door in hunt position. He looked out the window and there, under the tree, sat a cute little rabbit. Riley kept up her subtle movements, even though the rabbit couldn't see or hear her, until she reached the doggie door. Then WHAM out she flew towards the rabbit. The little guy got away, again.

It's not all in the name. Sometimes it's all in the letter.

OMG said Riley, startling Bosco out of his relaxed position on the sofa. What now Bosco asked. Barkley, that humongous Sesame Street dog has been caught sending money to Iran, Cuba and other countries with crazy dictators, Riley informed him. Investigators found letters he wrote trying to hide what he did. How can that be, Bosco wondered aloud. You're right, she answered. It says here that he wasn't allowed to send them money because those countries are sanctioned, she continued. This made absolutely no sense to Bosco. A dog sending money to countries, and a fake dog at that, did not sound right to him. Bosco asked Riley from where she got that information. It's on the front page of today's Wall Street Journal she said as she showed it to him. Bosco looked at the letters in bold. That's not Barkley the dog! That's the British bank Barklay. See the "a," he said as he pointed to the name. Barkley spells his name BarklEy, not BarklAy, he informed her with apparent irritation in his voice. Next time pay attention to the letters, he scolded. It's all in the letters!

Does this game have a name?

This morning Bosco flollowed me into the kitchen as usual. As I was getting my breakfast ready he did something unusual----he began licking his empty food bowl. As he continued licking his bowl it dawned on me that they hadn't yet eaten breakfast. Was this a dog hint?

I filled their bowls and put them in their usual places---Bosco's in the kitchen by the laundry room door and Riley's in the laundry room next to the door. Bosco got to his food bowl before Riley. He placed himself in front of it, his body blocking the entrance to the laundry room. He stared at his food then looked at Riley. He began to eat as Riley approached. As Riley stood behind and to the side of him, he took a morsel and spit it out a few inches from his bowl, close enough to him so that Riley wouldn't dare try to get it. Riley stood there, apprehensive about trying to maneuver between Bosco and the wall in order to get to her food. She began to whine. Bosco remained unmoved emotionally and physically. Ever so slowly and cautiously Riley eased her body between Bosco and the wall. Bosco did not react. He allowed her to pass. As soon as she began eating, Bosco stopped eating, left his bowl nearly full and came over to sit next to me as I ate.

It's a Bosco kind of a life

Complaints have recently been expressed by followers of this blog that Bosco does not get as much attention as Riley in pictures and posts. I cannot disagree with these fans. However, a bit of explanation may help clarify why.

Bosco is a thirteen year old dog who has been around the block a few times, figuratively and literally. There is not much that surprises or intrigues him anymore. He knows what each day is like and is quite content with no surprises like seeing luggage come out of the closet or a strange dog entering the house.

Bosco's daily routine is well set. He gets up with the mistress of the house and no one else. He waits for her to brush her teeth and then follows her into the kitchen. He waits for her to take her pills and then follows her into the laundry room where his treats are stored. He gets his treat and rawhide chew. He waits for his mistress to head back to the bedroom and he follows her there. He chews the rawhide while she does her stretching exercises. He knows that Riley will finish her rawhide before him because he take his time while Riley feverishly chews hers. He knows that once Riley is done she will want his rawhide. After chewing a bit he stops and starts licking himself. When he sees that Riley has finished her rawhide, he stops licking and nonchalantly walks into the hallway as if teasing Riley with his unguarded chewy. He waits ten seconds, walks back into the room, looks at Riley and then his chewy. He sits down next his rawhide chewy again but is done chewing it. When his mistress is done with her stretching exercises he follows her into the kitchen. As long as she is home, Bosco will spend the rest of the day following her around the house wherever she goes. He is her dedicated entourage. At about five in the evening, Bosco leaves the side of his mistress to do guard duty. He sits on the back patio waiting for the neighborhood dogs to pass by on their daily walks. This is the time of day when he uses the most energy. The mere hint of a human or dog walking past his territory is enough to send him zooming to the side gate barking urgently. If someone dares to walk along the perimeter wall, he runs back and forth along the wall barking feverishly. He also has to make sure Riley does not interfere with his movements. If she does, he has to angrily bark at her indicating, BACK OFF.

After guard duty, it is time for dinner. He eats his meal and then hangs out at the kitchen table. If he smells something good he goes into schnorer mode, barking and whining for scraps. He hangs around his mistress until it is time for a walk. After the walk he goes to the laundry room where he'll get another a treat. He waits patiently for his mistress to go to the bedroom, at which time he will wait until she is done with her shower. He comes into the bathroom when he knows she turns off the water. He waits until she opens the shower door and he walks into the shower to lap up the water on the shower floor. When he is done lapping he goes into the bedroom and lies down either at the foot if the bed or the threshold of the bathroom-bedroom door. This is Bosco's daily routine. If his mistress should forgot to do the expected, he stares at her as if to say, "Didn't you forget something?" Oh yes Bosco, you're right. I forgot to give you a treat.

Now you understand why Riley gets most of the blog attention. Bosco knows what it's all about and Riley....well Riley is
Riley.

Brave girl

Riley got her shots: rabies and parvo. She accepted the needles without a care in the world and joyfully accepted the treat reward for bravery. Now if she bites anyone, no worries about rabies. Silly, she'd be the last dog to bite someone.

Can't have the rabbit and eat the treat too

Riley loves her dismembered toy rabbit. Although she no longer sleeps with it, she still likes to play catch with it or just have it nearby. Today she tried to get her jerky treat off of the floor and into her mouth while holding the rabbit in her mouth at the same time. This turned out to be an impossible feat. She could not grab hold of the jerky while holding rabbit. But dropping rabbit to get the jerky was, for some unfathomable reason, not an option for her today. So there she stood, rabbit in mouth repeatly trying to pick up the jerky but only succeeding in covering it with dog drool. Bosco had by now finished his jerky and stood watching Riley's struggle with anticipation. Could it be that that she would give up? Knowing Riley and her love for food made that an unlikely possibility. Surprisingly and totally unexpectedly she held onto the rabbit and walked away from the jerky! Bosco quickly made his move towards for the jerky.

How is it possible that Riley was ready to keep holding onto rabbit and give up on a treat? Riley has just returned home from a vacation without rabbit. Could it be that she had missed rabbit and didn't want to let her go? Only Riley knows for sure. That's for sure.

A true fish story

Bosco and Riley get irritated when they hear "experts" who proclaim that animals do not have emotions. They are pleased that Jane Goodall has shown evidence to refute that notion when it comes to chimps. Bosco and Riley have evidence to prove that not only do chimps have emotions, but so do dogs and fish.

A few years ago, Bosco and Riley were witnesses to an amazing interaction between fish in the pond where they live. Unbeknownst to them, one day one of the local herons had paid a dinner visit to the pond. By the time Bosco and Riley managed to slip a slide their way out of the house and through the doggie door, the heron had thrown the largest koi out of the pond onto the grass. She looked dead when she was found a while later. She was thrown back in the water with slim hope of revival. She sank to the bottom. Her best fish friend saw her lying there on her side not moving. Her friend swam under her, lifted her off the bottom and worked to keep her off of her side. He stayed by her side constantly making sure she did not lie sideways or sink. After a while the fish began to weakly move her fins. Her friend continued to stay with her. When food was thrown in the pond her friend lifted her to the surface where the food floated. Everyday her friend stayed by her side. Gradually she regained strength and no longer sank or turned sideways. This may be a fish story but it's true. Bosco and Riley were astounded. They never thought that fish could show that level of attachment and intelligence.

Riley began to wonder if Bosco would help her the same way the fish had helped his friend. Bosco looked at her with annoyance. First of all, he said, you hate going in the water. Second I get wet only when they force me to take a bath. So your question is ridiculous.

IFs ands and butts

It had been along time since Bosco and Riley had taken a vacation. They were very excited because they love road trips. One of their favorite people was taking them to Tucson for the week.

Being in Tucson was very exciting. They got to meet new people who had heard all about them. They got to smell new smells of the other inhabitants of the area. Their host made sure that they were taken on plenty of walks and got to sleep wherever they wanted in her house. They were having such a good vacation when out of the blue Bosco told Riley that they would probably have to end their vacation the next day. He told her she would probably get tired of hanging around a place that wasn't home. Riley tilted her head and looked at Bosco perplexed. Then she pulled her ears back and looked at him suspiciously. What is your problem he wanted to know, as if she were to become the cause of the ensuing discord. I think I understand why you think I will tire of this vacation. YOU want to go home and I know why. You miss going on our weekly outing to the dog park where you love to smell the butt of that Great Dane Jennifer. You do it every Thursday. Look at it this way. If we stay you'll only miss a week. One sniffless week won't kill you, she said. But,but, but Bosco stammered. What said Riley now definitely annoyed. Jennifer is going away next week for three weeks. I won't get to sniff her butt for three weeks!

So much for Riley's vacation.

A handsome boy

Bosco has a few female admirers. Whenever they talk about him or see him they always say, "He's such a handsome boy." This is said with a significantty higher pitch than their normal speaking pitch. Then one of them adds, also in a high pitch, "I love him," but it is said as, "I looove heem."

First comes baby then comes?

Riley's comment upon hearing the news of Bristol Palin's engagement to Levi Johnston was "How sweet." Bosco rolled his eyes. I said to Riley that Bristol's and Levi's relationship has been an ongoing news saga since Bristol's mom, Sarah, became an American household name. Also they were supposed to be married last year. They split up after Sarah was not elected vice president and since then they have been slinging around mud about each other and their families. But it's so sweet that now they're getting married, Riley insisted. Bosco looked up and with a certain amount of irritation and said, What's sweet is that Chelsey Clinton is getting married at the end of this month. The right comment for Bristol and Levi is, ITS ABOUT TIME. Riley looked confused. She wanted to know why he feels one way about Chelsey and differently about Bristol. Don't both their names start with C? Very funny, he answered. It has nothing to do with letters of the alphabet; it has everything to do with babies. They made a baby! What's the big deal Riley wanted to know. We dogs do it that way all the time.

Duplicity=neutrality

I was telling Bosco and Riley about my trip to Switzerland and describing its natural beauty when out of the blue, Bosco said, "What's with the Swiss anyhow?" Riley and I looked at him perplexed. What do you mean, I asked. Well, he said, they've decided not to extradite Roman Polansky to the US for raping a young girl when he lived in Hollywood. They're also being called out for helping tax cheats cheat. They're crying foul because some governments obtained information on their tax cheating citizens by paying someone who filched the information from a Swiss bank. The Swiss government says that the foreign governments are using information that was obtained illegally, thus what the foreign governments are doing is illegal as well. All this moralizing coming from a country that helps wealthy people hide their money from governments ( also known as cheating) so that they don't have to pay the taxes they owe.

And, continued Bosco, for many years the Swiss have hidden behind a veil of so called neutrality. What that seems to mean is that the Swiss can claim to share the same moral values of other western countries, while simultaneously lying and cheating which in their language the word is neutrality. Take for instance their so called "neutrality" during WWII. Being neutral to them meant that they could send Jews back into German occupied countries to be murdered. Neutrality meant doing what the Germans told them to do. Neutrality meant helping Nazis hide from the Allies after the war. Neutrality meant that the Swiss were handsomely paid for their "neutrality" with gold stolen by the Germans from the Jews who were murdered.

Such a beautiful country. Too bad that it's inhabited by the Swiss.

Wait a minute, piped up Riley. What about the St. Bernards? They're very nice, she said.

Where the barbarians still rule

Riley looked at Bosco and told him that there was no way she will cheat on him. Bosco asked her why out the blue she decided to make that announcement. She said that she is afraid of being stoned to death like that woman in Iran who was accused of adultery. Bosco told her she was being ridiculous. She has nothing to worry about. She lives in America where even dogs are treated better than are women in Iran.

Dog claims that the human species suffers from attention deficit disorder

This morning Bosco, using his voice of canine authority, informed me that humans, unlike other species in the animal kingdom, suffer from ADD. I was taken aback by his statement. I asked what made him say that. He began by asking me if I had ever watched a dog who loves retrieving balls. If someone throws them a ball they focus on the ball, he said. They will continue to retrieve it until it is no longer thrown. Hunting dogs will hunt for the fox until they find it. As you well know, he added, I will dig until I've found the gopher in the hole. If I lose the scent I will quickly look for the hole that has the scent. As far as I'm concerned, I could do this all day. When I'm digging, nothing else matters enough to distract me. You are the one who loses patience and pulls me away telling me it's time to go home. I admitted that there was truth to what he said. You humans, on the other hand, are easily distracted. As a result, you lose sight of what is important. Take for example the latest brouhaha about illegal immigration. Suddenly, illegal immigrants are responsible for draining the economy and crime. Listen to everyone talk about how illegal immigrants get free health care and education at the expense of those who are here legally. To hear them talk you would think that it would pay for all Americans to renounce their citizenship. Then there's crime. Illegal immigrants are responsible for it too. The safety of Americans is at risk because of all the housekeepers and gardeners coming across the border illegally. What does this have to do with human ADD? I asked. If my memory serves me right, he said, it wasn't too long ago that this country began it's rapid descent into recession. Everyone was talking about greedy bankers, investors, and Wall Street honchos who, in large part were responsible for the present depression. Paying for the health care and education of a few illegal is small change compared to what the richest of the rich have done to this country and the well-being of it's citizens. When was the last time you heard anyone talk about these big time crimes or the $700 billion dollars Americans are paying to try to keep this country afloat? Instead, the big news is that a five year old child, whose parents are here illegally, is going to kindergarten. That my dear, he said, is why I say humans have
ADD.

Cleaning Litter

The dogs were out for a walk the other day when they saw an elderly man and woman carrying plastic bags with trash. They watched the couple with a certain curiosity. The man and woman were taking a walk and at the same time cleaning trash from the neighborhood. They had never seen people picking up rubbish unless it was their dog's. Then this morning I read them an article about citizens in Detroit who had taken it upon themselves to mow lawns of vacant properties, chop down unsightly weeds in empty lots and clean alleyways of trash.

Bosco and Riley asked me why I don't pick up trash when I walk them. I confessed to a certain amount of embarrassment at picking up other people's trash. Besides we pay the city to hire people to pick up the trash that's on the ground. Then I got to thinking. Wouldn't it be nice if more people depended on themselves to do the right thing? Bosco and Riley looked away from me sheepishly. I heard Bosco mumble something to Riley about hoping that I don't get some ideas about dogs doing some kind of cleaning up. They both got up and, as unobtrusively as possible, slinked out of the room.

Riley's paper preoccupation

Riley asked if Arizona Senate Bill 1070 also applies to dogs. She wondered if she needs papers. Bosco told her that she's confused. The dogs who need papers are pure breeds to prove that they're pure breeds. She wanted to know what a pure breed is. Bosco explained that it's a dog that has papers issued by the American Kennel Club. Riley said she wanted those papers. Bosco told her that there was no way the kennel club would give her papers. Riley demanded to know why. Bosco explained that her mom and dad would have to have had those papers, meaning that there was no way she stands a chance of becoming a dog registered by the AKC. Riley thought a minute and then wanted to know what was so special about those dogs with papers. Bosco explained that there was nothing special about those dogs per se.They're dogs like any other dog. Humans just happen to make a lot of money when their papered dogs have sex so that they can make more of the same dogs. That way everyone knows their status. What status, Riley wanted to know. The status that the having these papers confers, Bosco said. Riley was adamant that she wanted those papers. Bosco told her that she will just have to do what other dogs without papers do. She'll have to get a lawyer and pay him a lot of money to try to convince the AKC authorities to give her papers. What's the big deal anyhow, Bosco said. Nobody will know that she doesn't have papers unless she tells them. But on the other hand, he said, you don't look like a pure breed. Not to worry though, he added. Sheriff Arpaio likes dogs (except maybe not Chihuahuas) so he won't be asking to see your papers anytime soon.

Riley likes soccer players

Riley would like everyone to know that she is crazy about Bosco. Nevertheless, she thinks the World Cup soccer players are hot. She asked Bosco if they have to enter a beauty contest before they can be members of a soccer team. Bosco told her that they have to enter the super sensuous soccer contest for sexy soccer players. Riley looked at Bosco with love in her eyes. She thinks he's so handsome.

Doing whatever it takes

What is it with you Jews, Bosco asked me. What do you mean, I asked. He explained: Take for example the demonstrations in Israel for the release of Gilad Shalit. Hamas kidnapped him and has kept him hidden for four years now. Who do the Jews pressure? Hamas? Of course not. The Israeli government? Of course! They DEMAND that the government do whatever is necessary to secure the release of Shalit even though the government has absolutely no control over the matter. What would you suggest they do, I queried. I suggest they take a page from the Palestinian playbook, he answered. What do you mean, I asked. He explained: The flotillas have managed to put Israel in an awkward position, through so-called peaceful means. World opinion has come down hard on Israel because of them. Why don't the thousands of Jews who are pressuring the Israeli government pressure Hamas instead? How can they do that, I asked. The Jews should peacefully march into Gaza and demand the release of Shalit, he answered. They should refuse to leave until he is released. Don't you think they would be risking their lives, I asked. He answered: If Hamas harmed innocent civilians, world opinion would turn against them. The murder of innocent people would be front page news as would Shalit's imprisonment. They would show themselves for what they are----murderers out to kill innocent Jews. Or they could release Shalit. That would of course be a PR coup for Hamas. A win-win result for all involved. Shalit could go home and the rest of the world could continue their love affair of the Palestinians.

The more I thought about Bosco's analysis and idea the more sense it made.